Tips & Tricks
The ancient Hindu canon, Kama Sutra has infused popular culture with a variety of innovative ways to get laid. Kama Sutra literally means "sexual connection", and there's no surprise why sex positions is the prime associated way to fuse two sexual energies together. The manifestation of your two bodies can take a range of tones, from aggressive, to poetic, to quick to romantic. Whichever way your bodies interlock for the deed, trying sex positions should be fun, innovative, bring two people closer and ultimately bring you to orgasm.
There are positions where women find it easier to orgasm. Finding the best way to climax takes research - alone and with a partner. Achieving a vaginal orgasm is one of those coveted experiences that women vie for and celebrate. I didn't experience a vaginal orgasm until I was 26 years old, so don't fret if it hasn't happened to you yet. It's something to work towards.
The way that women are shaped means that the woman-on-top position makes it to orgasm. Depending on the fit of the phallus (dildo, or real dick), her G-Spot is most likely to be reached and massaged during sex when she's on top. Set the scene for climax by having lots of foreplay and allowing all stresses, nerves and anxieties melt away. You're not going to cum if your mind is preoccupied with your To-Do list, with washing your sheets after sex, or wondering whether or not your sex partner can see you fat rolls. An orgasm in its most basic of senses, is a muscle spasm; if you're tense trying to suck in your stomach, or careening over to make sure your sexy lover sees your ass in a certain light, your cum is going to be so much farther behind than you think! Not to mention, your lover should think you're hot shit anyways! If not, you're in the wrong bed.
Different sex positions will spur different sensations. You'll have to experiment to find what's the hottest for you. In general though, other than woman-on-top, Miss Ladygasm recommends the Scissor Legs position. It involves you lying on your side, lifting one leg, and for your partner to cradle the leg on the bed between his legs. When he enters you, your pelvic bones will be perfectly interlocked instead of competing against one other (like it is in missionary. You know when you sleep with a man who is pretty slender, and you feel his hip bones on your sides? Well, with Scissor Legs, none of that happens). Because the flesh, bones and tissue that usually stand between his penis and your vagina are now at a minimal, he's going that much deeper into you. It's also pretty hot when he can catch a side-view of your bosoms!
These are just some of my suggestions. Every couple will explore and try different stances, different locations (sometimes, moving to the couch can be sizzling hot after several months of bed-only stints) and different settings. There's something to be said for sexual variety and trying new positions and not getting locked in, but "both men and women during sex are entitled to orgasm and there are some positions that help them orgasm better than others," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., FAACS and author of She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
Sex is the only non-chemical process that creates a surge of dopamine in our system. Dopamine is the chemical that is associated with feeling good, euphoric and happy. We experience a spike in dopamine when we eat chocolate cake, when we score well on a test, when we've crossed the finish line in a race and other feel-good happenings. Cocaine and alcohol can deliver a spike in dopamine too. That's why cocaine is known as an "upper" drug.
There is no other physical activity that spikes our dopamine like sex does. In fact, sex raises dopamine levels at a faster and higher rate than cocaine or alcohol do. A Dutch scientist mapped the brain during sex, and found that the surge in dopamine levels were comparable to a heroin rush. So, what actually happens in our brains during sex? Why does it feel so damn good?!
Other than dopamine, oxytocin is the main trigger in our brains during sex. It's also known as the "cuddle hormone", because it is what draws men and women to want to stay close together in post-coital hugs. The next time you feel the high from a sex and something in your head "turns on", basque in it. It is the body's natural euphoria!
Scientists have mapped the brain to figure out what's really going on when we start to feel hot and horny. What they found was that the parts of the brain that light up when feeling freaky, are the same areas that also govern emotions and memories. In fact, the areas that light up during foreplay and sex are associated with some of our most sophisticated forms of thoughts. Brain regions that are associated with understanding the thoughts and intentions of other people also seem linked with sexual feelings. So, for those of us who thought that sex was just a reaction of primal instincts and associations, well, they weren't exactly on the money. The act of sex spurs and connects to a whole lot more going on inside of us. The brain is definitely involved in sexual pleasure in a meaningful and complex way.
What are the spots that you know get you going before sex? Do you like your ears sucked on? How about his hands brushing over the insides of your thighs? Maybe it's just the slight felling of his hand against your cheek as you're making out? Is it your nipples?
The truth is the entire skin surface of your body has a potential of being an erogenous zone. Certain areas have clusters of nerve endings and are more sensitive. The clitoris for example, has 8,000 nerve endings. That is greater than any other part of the female or male body. These nerve endings all connect to the brain and sends signals to stimulate arousal.
In fact, the word comes from Greek. Eros, meaning love and genous, meaning producing. That's pretty hot. Erogenous zones are literally parts of the body that will produce, create and construct love, or something that feels like it. "Touch me here and it will produce love" - I love it!
The kind of erogenous zone depends on the sexual arousal they provoke. Some women can reach climax just by having their breasts stroked (it can depend on the mood and context). Primary erogenous zones lead to orgasm. The G-Spot and clitoris are primary zones. Secondary zones are places like your breasts and inner thighs. These secondary zones increase sensuality and arousal, preparing us for intercourse. Stimulating the breasts can actually make us feel more confident. This is scientifically true! Getting some titty action, not only gets you thrilled for the throes of sex, but it also releases oxytocin in the brain, a hormone that fights anxiety, and stress. Being confident with your body and feeling good about yourself during sex is definitely an important precursor to orgasm.
In fact, erogenous zones are plenty more sensitive when you're relaxed. If you're tense, worried or uncomfortable, your lover's touch can feel ticklish, or even aggressive. I would suggest taking a bath beforehand (try taking a bath together!) or starting off with massages. Choose an activity that puts both your mind and body at ease where you can live in the moment for each rub, stroke or kiss you'll receive before you get yo' freak on!
Remember that personal levels of sensitivity differ for everyone. Certain parts of the body are known to be responsive to touch. Ear lobes, lips, back of the knees, inner thighs, stomach, breasts and armpits are popular spots. Next time you're gearing up for some magic, try a new zone and see how you each respond!
The vagina is a muscle, and like every other muscle in your body, it needs to get worked out. It needs exercise to keep it resilient, healthy and happy. Over time, the muscles on the pelvic floor can weaken, stretch, get torn and no longer offer support. This is especially true after childbirth. Exercising your Kegel muscles (also called pubococcygeys muscle, PC for short) will help with this.
This muscle supports the pelvic organs including the bladder, urethra and vagina. Exercising this will help stimulate sex drive by increasing blood flow to the region which will enhance sensitivity and arousal. It also helps you reach orgasm easier. It allows you to feel your partner during intercourse and intensifies your partner's pleasure by tightening the vagina cavity. Overall, exercise of the PC muscles helps you better control and respond to orgasms, because the more you practice using the muscle, the better you are at manipulating it when it comes time to perform.
Another tip is that rhythmic squeezing of your PC muscles during sex will increase lubrication, stimulate the clit, and massage your partner's penis!
So there are all these amazing possibilities gained with further control of this one muscle. Where is it, and how do I exercise it? Here's the thing, you use it on a daily basis already! It's the muscle you use when you stop peeing mid-stream. The muscles of your pelvic floor tighten and your vaginal muscles clench when you activate this muscle. One simple way to exercise the muscle is to stop the pee-stream once in a while. The PC muscles become engaged each time you stop. Pulsating the muscle movement means that you will be doing sufficient "reps" of this exercise.
Next time you want to try something new in the bedroom, try squeezing this muscle in a pulsating rhythm. See how you feel and how your partner feels! Make a concerted effort to practice exercising these muscles, and you'll be thanking yourself ten years down the line!!!
Here are some facts to keep in mind as you build your sexual prowess:
1) Average length of an orgasm: 13 - 51 seconds
Doing Kegel exercises will enhance the power and duration or an orgasm. Your Kegel muscles are your vaginal muscles, and you work them out by flexing and releasing the muscle. It is just like when you're peeing and you make the stream stop and go. A small amount of movement goes a long way!
2) Number of women who regularly climax during intercourse: 42%
If you want to up your stats, indulge in foreplay. The longer you stay in the "plateau stage" the more likely it is for you to climax. Getting yourself into a high state of arousal and allowing it to subside, build up again, subside, build up–makes for fertile territory for fireworks!
3) Number of women who regularly climax through clitoral stimulation: 95%
The clitoris is much more sensitive than the vagina, so when it's stimulated it generates a lot more pleasure than vaginal penetration. To increase your chance of orgasm, make sure your clit continuously gets some attention, before and during penetration.
4) Average time it takes for most women to orgasm: 20 minutes
To clarify women don't necessarily take longer to cum. It just takes us longer to get aroused. Moreover, not every sexual encounter will result in an orgasm.
"If you're too focused on orgasms, you're missing the point. Sex should be about appreciating the whole concept of sexual satisfaction," says Dr David Goldmeier, psychosexual consultant at St Mary's Hospital, London.
To enhance sex all around, try these lifestyle habits:
1) Drink less alcohol. Even though pquor lowers your inhibitions and relaxes, it also depresses the central nervous system. You will respond slower to stimulations compared to when you have no pquor in your body.
2) Exercise more. Working out repeves tension, which means you'll be more responsive to foreplay.
3) Masturbate regularly. It's a great way to discover what turns you on the most.
4) Cut out smoking and take multivitamins. Smoking slows your circulation, which takes away from full sensory functions. Taking multivitamins will improve your orgasms by boosting the function of your systems. However, one thing in isolation won't make much difference. Make smart pfestyle choices to enjoy the fruits of pfe (and loins) more!
When we're in the heat of the moment, where each breath is heavy and our gaze is locked, our mouths are likely to releases dirty phrases–or are they? Women often reveal that they are moaners or loud-screamers during sex. Sometimes they tell me they're silent. Perhaps it's learned behavior from sexing in dorm rooms, or in their parents' house for so many years. Either way, few women actually tell me about what they say during sex.
No wait, that's a lie. Phone sex is a huge exception. I've been away from my guy for weeks at a time, and we've relied on intimate conversations about what we'd really being with each other - or to each other - if either of us were in front of another. There's something to be said about being able to verbalize our fantasies or sexual sensations when we're horny. It's incredibly liberating. Getting good at phone sex and dirty talk will take a bit of practice.
Try verbalizing your sexy thoughts while masturbating. It's the best way to get comfortable with both your thoughts and your voice while in such an aroused state. There may be certain words that you're nervous to say during sex, like "pussy", "fuck", or "dick". Say all these words when you're masturbating, and string them in a sentence that you feel from your gut. Being comfortable with your sexual thoughts and voice is a baseline for dirty talk.
When it comes time to talk to your partner about this, ease into it, and remember that it is a conversation - not a monologue. A good way to get your partner aroused is to describe everything. If you're on the phone gearing up for steamy phone sex, tell him what you're wearing, tell him where your hand is, and what you feel. "The side of my breasts are so soft, but as I glide my fingers to my nipples they are so hard for you", for example. Or something like: "I'm sliding my hand down my pants, pushing my underwear out of the way and finding my way through my bush. I wish you were here, because this is what you'd usually be doing. I feel my wet clit, and it's as a hard as a peach pit for you". Descriptions, adjectives and play-by-play explanations will paint an illustrious and bright picture in your partner's mind.
Talking dirty in bed requires a bit more coordination, because you're also managing all the non-verbal, body language and adding voice onto it. During foreplay, you can paint the picture and describe you want him to do to you during your romp. Small phrases and spurts of sentences letting your guy know what's up adds some heat and desire. Try phrases like: "It feels so good when you do that, it makes me want let you do that all night", or "you have no idea what I have in store for you next". Bodies can tell a story during sex, and words can paint pictures! Might as well make it colorful.
I remember when my guy asked me if I would be into a little anal. My first thought was that there was nothing about his junk was that "little" - my guy at the time was very well endowed. Regardless of size however, anal sex requires planning and preparation.
I thought logically about it. I really cared about this guy and the connection we had built. He told me that this is something he has wanted to try for a while, but never successfully finished it. Miss Ladygasm tends to be game in exploring sexual fantasies - mine or my partner's. I scoured the internet for resources and asked girlfriends who had done it. Some loved it! Others had never tried it, and didn't really want to. There seems to a psychological block with the anus and sex. Perhaps because the anus is not required in the act of biological reproduction, it is intrinsically less relevant in sex. Sexual ethics aside, the reality is that anal sex is included on the modern-day sexual menu.
My main concern is safety! The anus is a muscle. It requires stretching and warming up before a dildo or penis is inserted. Without precaution, you risk tearing, bleeding, chaffing and overall discomfort that could last for days. Lube and foreplay are necessary and fun ways to lay a foundation for anal sex.
It will be really important that you are comfortable. Being worried or anxious will just further tense your muscles and make it difficult (for him), and painful (for you), when he enters. Plenty of foreplay helps to get in mood. Many women have found that having him eat you out and climaxing before will enhance the experience. To help stretch the muscle, he could ease one finger in your anus while you're riding him. Some men are down for rimming (using a stiffened tongue to tickle the opening of the anus, and eventually sticking it in), and it can be really sensual for her too! Some couples can also use butt plugs. We have some on this website. They are small are designed to massage the anus during foreplay.
A few other tips about anal: he should not insert his penis in the vagina after the anus. This just spreads bacteria. If you want to continue vaginal sex after anal, you might have to think ahead and pop on a condom for the back-door entry, and take off the condom when you're both wanting pussy again.
A note: after anal sex, plan for a relaxing evening at home. I happened to have had tickets to see a play after my guy and I passionately explored his fantasy. I was pretty uncomfortable sitting for 2+ hours that night.